First 3 Months

So... you completed 12 weeks yesterday (8th august 2017). I won't lie, the past few weeks were very challenging.  I wanted to have a normal delivery but had to go with a C-section because doc said you weighed more than 3.5kg and it would be risky. The C-section didn't take more than 15mins. 5mins after the doctor came in, your dad I heard you cry and we just looked at each other and smiled. I was quite numb even when I saw you. I don't think any emotion was there. Even when the nurses brought you to me outside the theatre to give milk for the first time, I wasn't sure what I was feeling. I was just numb! By the evening of the second day after you were born, we were allowed to go home. It was a rainy day and because of that we decided to take you to Manelwatta temple instead of Kelani temple. Decided to go to Kelani temple once you are three months old. On the third day the mid wife (Samanthi) came to see you. The moment she saw you she realized you had turned yellow which is called jaundice. She said we can wait for one more day and see but we decided to take you to the doctor the same day. Doctor Deepthi Samarage said you will have to be admitted for her to check your bilirubin levels. We stayed at the hospital for two days. Luckily we didn't need to use phototherapy for you. It turned out that I wasn't feeding you right. At the hospital they gave you formula milk. After we came home I gave you breastmilk and formula to top it up. I wanted to make sure that you were getting enough milk. Your weight was my main concern. The next day the mid wife came to see how things were. She was not a fan of formula milk and encouraged me to give you breastmilk. She said if I wasn't confident about feeding you, I could extract milk and give. As she was suggesting that your Loku achchi (my loku Nandi) was already at Avent buying a breast pump. The breast pump was my best friend from that point. I stopped giving you formula and gave breast milk using a small cup. Loku achchi gave a spoon also for me to use because you kept on spilling milk all over you while drinking using the cup. The spoon was worse. When we went for the 2nd week check up, your weight was still below the birthweight. The doctor was not concerned as she said since you lost weight during the first few days its ok. And she asked us to come a week later. But I was not happy. I as somehow going to make sure that your weight came to the normal level by the third week. By this time Loku achchi called and suggested that we give you milk using a bottle. I was reluctant to do this first as I had heard that babies can get something called "nipple confusion". This means they can be confused when they get the breast and bottle teat. Anyway as my objective was to make sure you gain weight, I started giving you milk using the bottle. You seemed to like it and there was no problem in getting you to drink milk using both breast and bottle. On the day you turned three weeks we went to see the doctor. I was so relieved to see that your weight had reached the normal level. Doctor asked how I was giving you milk and didn't seem too happy to hear I was topping up extracted milk using a bottle. She warned me about nipple confusion as you were not drinking milk properly from my breast. After coming home I decided that I would somehow give you milk only from my breast. But I needed help! So I got a Lactation Consultant to come to our place to help me with it. She observed how I was giving milk and gave some tips. However, she didn't tell me anything I didn't know by then. It was a waste of money in a way but it made me realise something important. I realized "only I can make it work". And that realization gave me something I didn't have "confidence". So from that point up to now I have been feeding you breast milk from my breast. Nothing else. Things seemed to be much better during the next couple of weeks. The only problem was you would not sleep from about 9pm to 12mid night. Some days you were awake from 6pm to mid night. However, with my new found confidence, I knew everything was going to be ok and I had everything under control. I just didn't know that things were only going to get worse and this was just the first hurdle. By the time you reached 1.5 months things were all good except for the fact that your poop turned green. The normal colour of poop of exclusively breastfed babies is supposed to be yellow with sometimes curd like white seeds in it. This was the same texture but green in colour. Then when reading I found out that there is something called fore milk and hind milk. Foremilk is the milk that comes first from the breast and its supposed to be thin. The milk that follows is called "hind milk" and this is supposed to be the milk that makes you gain weight. When babies don't get this balance, the poop can turn green and frothy sometimes. However, when I called the doctor she said I should just "let it go". The thing with being a new mom is that you are always worried. You want the best for your baby and you are afraid you are doing something wrong. You always wonder how the things you do today might affect your baby in the long run. Just as you turned eight weeks it was time to take you for your first vaccination. You were a good girl and did not give any trouble even though you had a bit of fever for two, three days. However, you had an eye infection and we had to give you eye drops. Things suddenly took a turn a couple of days later when you suddenly started to cry in the night. You would not sleep and you would cry and cry till mid night. We had no idea how to soothe you. Your dad figured out that you like being held facing the front. So we had to hold you like that and take you around the house each night during bed time. I thought you had something called "Colic" which some babies have. They seem to cry without a reason and parents can't seem soothe them in any way. I was afraid that you had turned in to a fussy baby because you were a good girl. You never troubled me when you were in my tummy for 9 months. I believed that you would not trouble me even now. Later when reading through different online articles and forums, I came to know that babies can get overtired if they are not put to sleep within the sleep window. So it seems a baby at your age can only stay awake for about 1 to 1.5hours between nap times. Once I got to know this, I made sure I put you to sleep at the first sign of being sleepy. You would yawn, rub your eyes and talk to different objects. It was cute. You got a cold beginning of last week. Your nose was blocked and one day and doctor gave medicine. A few days later you were not being yourself I thought you had diarrhea because your poop was different and smelled bad (it usually is not bad). We took you to the doctor and we were asked to do a stool test. Of course this turned out to be normal. Last week I read that babies can be trained to sleep properly if we have a good sleep routine. So I started following this advice. So every time when it comes to nap time, I would close the curtains in the room, switch on the music on the swing and put you in your cot. Then I would rock the cot until you fell asleep. Sometimes it only took 10mins but there were time where I had to keep rocking for about 30-40mins. However, I was thankful that for the past 4 days you have been falling asleep that way without me or anyone having to keep you in their arms. You have once again proven to me that you are a good girl. Of course I understand by now that its not going to be smooth forever. I am anticipating what they call "sleep regression" which is supposed to happen at 4 months. Until then, I am going to enjoy this period and accept anything that comes my way. There are days when I get really frustrated when you don't sleep and I have no idea how to put you to sleep. But I forget everything when I see your smile. So that's the first three months in a nutshell. By now I can't even remember the period where I was pregnant with you. Those 9 months are like a dream.